I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
