I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
