She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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