So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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