i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize