I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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