I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
