census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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