We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
