I can text with my tongue
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
