Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
