I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
