And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize