It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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