And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
