I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
