imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
