Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
