Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
