our cab driver is having phone sex.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
