you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize