Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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