I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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