It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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