I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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