got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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