All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
