It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
