in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'm really busy with my period
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