There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
