her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize