I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize