They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
