the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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