Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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