I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
