walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
