I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
