we made out on top of his cat.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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