..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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