I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
