If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
