I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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