Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize