He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
