I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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