why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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