Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize