took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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