Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
