i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
