Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
