i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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