So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
