dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
