apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
