I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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