i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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