woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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