Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
