First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
