soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
