I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
