I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
