got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
