I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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