I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
