Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize