dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
