Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
