His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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