Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
