Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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