if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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